Sometimes people just don't realize what they are bringing on themselves and then later blame it on others. Man just doesn't want to accept his faults, he finds pleasure in accusing others and holding them responsible. Every human should realize that every other person has a life of his own and if you didn't give him enough space to live, one day he will be forced to leave you and it will be nobody's fault but your own.

   At times there is nothing to say. You ask what's wrong? Nothing is wrong seriously. You want reasons for every other thing. Well not everything has a reason. We do so many things and so many things just happen for you-don't-know-why. But will you believe it? NO!!! You think I don't trust you? I keep thing from you, I don't tell you everything? Well then go ahead and think whatever you want but the truth is I'm not keeping anything from you..there just isn't anything.

   It also happens that there is a lot but it is only to be felt and not to be said. So learn to interpret silence and hear the unsaid. Look in my eyes and peek inside my soul. You'll find many answers.


   I haven't addressed any of you. Theses are just random words :-)

- Forever friends
- Endless talks
- Unconcerned of surroundings
- Conspiracies and counterconspiracies
- Rebelions
- Winter-rolled up sleeves-no sweaters-insisting on keeping the fans open.
- Leading class punishments
- Being forced in different sections yet finding ways
- Trying to sit near Miss S. during activities
- Teaching throw ball
- Daily phone calls
- Skipping classes unnecessarily for Drama practice
- Doing everything but reharsals
- Me and M&M- first comparing ever-the school in fits of laughter
- The first assembly conducted by me
- Sports day
- Senoir friends
- Miss A .N and her taunting
- Dairies not signed
- Punished
- Council prefects??
- The oath
- Me, M&M and Wormtail singing- laughed at again :P
- Trying to keep straight faces
- Bow and arrow
- Walke talkie type device plans
- Books
- Crazy after PH
- Fake PH preview
- 14th August Drama
- Miss F. Iqbal's Chemistry class
- A first bad impression then a healthy teacher student friendship-inside knowledge
- Sir comes for a visit
- Class prefect thrown out
- A double class- teacher busy on her phone- everyday?
- The toffee incident
- Miss F. Iqbal's last day...
- The death of "lala"
- Election party- an uninvited guest? (unwanted)
- A guest beneath the desk :D
- Students day- bragging into the class to disturb and finding the real teacher sitting !
- My class goes out of control-the principle has to come-we both end up laughing and leave the class
- And the best acting award goes to Shafaq- the teacher is furious
- Last day- Activity period- me and M&M eating ice-cream keeping an eye on Miss F. Naz
- Miss Amna- pen incident- meaningful taunting looks
- Diaries
- Codes
- Distributing chalk every morning- elected as Masi?- but anything to skip Miss Naz's class
- Masi and lala stop working- opening shades- spreading darian- bringing chairs
- Exam arrangement- me?- timetable and seating arrangement!!-awesome!
- Cold war
- Flowers
- Cards
- Outrageously impossible plans
- Laughter
- Tears
- Letters
- Poetry
- Hugs
- Good-bye's


And it goes on....

You are missed 
do you not know
in every hour of the day.
With the first peek of the sun
till the last color fades...

Since there's no help come let us kiss and part,-
Nay I have done, you get no more of me;
And I am glad, yea, glad with all my heart,
That thus so cleanly I myself can free;

Shake hands for ever, cancel all our vows,
And when we meet at any time again,
Be it not seen in any of our brows
That we one jot of former love retain.

Now at the last gasp of love's latest breath,
When his pulse failing, passion speechless lies,
When faith is kneeling by his bed of death,
And innocence is closing up his eyes,

-Now if thou would'st, when all have given him over
From death to life thou might'st him yet recover!
                                                         (M. Drayton)


   I was studying this poem for my exams. Thought of sharing it with you because it is an awesome piece of poetry :-)

   Change of thoughts!! Discard that post too. Its again bakwas. Lol :D I think I'm going crazy. Hahahaha :D. I'm really laughing. It feels good :D So well.. ummm... what am I going to say now? Lets see? Well what I have in mind will be like you know copying someone's words and right now Winsome's warning is going through my mind though that was just a joke:PyYu know what I was about to call Winsome by the name Arrats does. I think I'm making no sense? But who cares. I'm feeling good :D

   So like I'm begin all optimistic now. And really after a long time I can't feel the crack in my heart :D It is gone from the scene for a while which is really good. Now don't you start thinking that I'm just making all this up as to not let you ummmm. I dunno what.. :P

   Well I have that eternal friend of mine :) so why should I care about the reason and season friends. I'm complete. I don't need anyone but her. As long as she is there I'm happy. I won't lose hope. I'm feeling high. Love you M&M and thank you so much Arrats. You both are just great. :)

   Last night my mind was all crap so I wrote some "bakwas". Don't pay attention to it. It was just meant for ummm... I just wanted YOU to read it so I could see that care once again :) Ok that was probably rude.. I was being selfish.

   I couldn't sleep again last night. I've become so restless.. But then I had a lot going on in my mind. You really know how to talk, you put things in such a way that... they really touch you. I just can't get it out of my head. And you know what I really wanted to try to bring that old you back.. Ok not really the old one but just to bring some life back. I guess you won't like my saying all this? Well you can scold me later on though I will hope that you don't :)

   So well I was thinking about it but then I thought that I shouldn't try cause what if I break you? After all I'm a known heart breaker. I wouldn't want to do that to you because I really care.. but then haven't I always? And what happens in the end? I break that someones heart and leave? How I wish I could change.. Stop being a reason for all those broken hearts... How can I be so cruel? Where is the human inside me? Have I turned into a devil? Or was I always that but I just didn't realize? That makes sense....

   This world is a sad place but then how can it be a happy one when people like me exist? I am one of those who make life hell for others then what right do i have to complain? None....

   I brought all this on me and so I'll just have to bear it..

 

   How does it feel when everyone around you is determined to make you feel just totally worthless? I know you can't understand unless you yourself have been through this. It not something words can tell... Specially if that person is someone really important in your life.

   You might not even know you are the reason for my despair. That your words caused me pain and I was close to tears but I laughed. You mean so much to me but what am I for you? Just nothing... For you I don't even exist. It stings so bad when someone you care for lets you down. But then it's my fault... expectations... By now I really should have learned to stop expecting. Every day I tell myself I'll only give and not ask.. but I still am human.... somewhere inside me the spark of life is still ignited... M&M said "you can't stop your heart from responding" , you will expect without even knowing that you expect... This will go on as long as you live. It is inevitable.

   Okay, I am being childish again. Making a big deal out of nothing... *tries to smile*

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